Hear Her

Equality is not a feeling.

In her address during the Relief Society conference, J. Annette Dennis stated the following:

“There is no other religious organization in the world, that I know of, that has so broadly given power and authority to women.”

This was then posted on the Instagram page of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints with the intent, one could assume, to empower women of a Church that has given them many reasons to doubt that they have any power and authority at all.

This post garnered over 17,000 comments, the majority coming from women who find themselves feeling misunderstood, misrepresented, and misheard. In the midst of these waves of pain and frustration, a few comments voice confusion over why female members of the Church are reacting this way. Why don’t we look at some of those reactions?

“The Relief Society is one of the largest women's organizations in the world that is governed by men entirely. They have the authority, and they exercise it concerning what we can and cannot do in our own organization. They have the last word on every matter.”

“I just want to express that not having women in decision-making roles is detrimental to the future of the Church. We can only be shoved into the marriage and family box for so long. At some point, all the Eves will eat the fruit and leave the garden, and all the Adams will be left lone men.”

“Every step women take in the Church has to be filtered through men. We may sit in ward councils and give insight, but at the end of the day, men make the final decisions. 100+ male general authorities and 9 female auxiliary leaders. Women are not present where important decisions are being made that affect every member of the Church.”

“I'd been taught my whole life, ‘I'm trying to be like Jesus.’ That I was sent to earth to participate in the Plan of Salvation so that Heavenly Father could give me all that He had to offer. But, according to the doctrine of the Church, that could never be. They are men. I'm a woman. I can't and won't be given all they have to offer. I can't and won't be like them one day. When it all comes down to it, the fullness of blessings and potential in the Church and in the eternities are reserved for men.”

“If every single woman in the Church disappeared, it could continue structurally without any issue. Without men, the Church would be nothing more than a women's community group.”

“EVEN IF the statement were true [that the Church gives more authority to women than other organizations], if the Church is what it claims to be, why are we patting ourselves on the back by surpassing ‘the world's’ standard? Shouldn't we be holding ourselves accountable to a higher standard? Let's raise the bar!”

“To those telling us our feelings of pain and disappointment are due to a lack of faith, misunderstanding the gospel principles, the influence of the adversary, or any other opinion that doesn't credit how we feel, you couldn't be more wrong.  Please hear us.”

“Equality is not a feeling.”

Equality is not something we can be told we have.  It is something that must materialize in institutional practices.  We have to see it in concrete ways rather than be told that it is so.  It is a state of being that requires what Jesus Christ taught: all of God’s children, black or white, bond or free, male or female, being seen as equal in the eyes of God.  Equally respected, equally needed, equal platforms to speak and teach and influence.  We seek equal power, equal part of decisions that affect us and affect all men and women of this Church.

I look back at my own life and see reason to have hope that my Church leaders understand the value of women.  In my home ward, young women usher, take attendance, and bring bread for the sacrament.  Female leaders sit on the stand, as much of an example for the ward as their male counterparts.  An equal number of male and female speakers, at least during sacrament meetings. Women of my YSA ward making decisions not just for their fellow women but for the ward as a whole.  My mission president in every meeting, interview, conference, or chat, making an effort to make sure the voice of his wife was heard equally.  Placing importance on Sister Training Leaders in the mission, asking them to give trainings alongside the Zone Leaders.  

These are all situations in which leaders in my life are taking a step forward. Yet is it truly a step forward when in every single situation, the only way a woman was able to have equal power and influence was because a man gave it to her? Are we meant to believe that we do not have power inherent in us?  That we have to wait to find a male leader gracious enough to allow a woman to feel useful?  Where is the solution if we have already reached the ceiling of what authority can be given to us?

To those wondering why women feel such disparity in the Church of Jesus Christ, hear our voices and recognize that we do not choose to feel unappreciated, undervalued, and unequal. We have spent our entire lives coping with how little power we feel we have, how little we have been led to believe we will ever possess if not for men.

Equality is not a feeling. When will you realize this? And when will our Church do something to make it a reality?