Harmful Effects of LDS Culture on Young Women
When sexism in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is brought up, it is often dismissed. Rightfully so, we naturally reject anything negative or uncomfortable that we are presented with—especially when it contradicts a deep, personal conviction. But the sexism in the Church is blatant. Sister missionaries only serve 18 months instead of two years like the elders, and they have to wait until they're 19, while men can go at 18. Female General Officers had to wait until their male counterparts gave them permission to wear pants just a few years ago. Women can’t receive the Priesthood, nor bear any title in the church other than “sister”—men can be Elders, Bishops, Counselors, Priests, High Priests, Apostles, Prophets, etc. Critics of the faith often list these obvious examples, but I want to focus on how this affects women in the church, especially young adults.
First, toxic perfectionism. Church culture enforces this idea of striving to be perfect, and it is instilled in us from a young age, especially in the Young Women’s Program. From age 12 or earlier, we’re taught that our divine worth is rooted in becoming a good wife and mother, thus we’ve prepared our whole young adult lives to become as perfect as possible for our future husbands.
In a Young Women’s lesson when I was 14, I was shown five pictures of different men. The first had tattoos and messy hair, while the fifth was a clean-cut missionary. The teacher then showed five pictures of women and had us match each man to a woman based on—and these were my teacher's exact words— “what each man would want.” This level of pressure and “living for others” mentality jeopardizes authenticity and our mental health—whether we recognize it or not.
As women in the Church, we’re taught to be completely selfless and serve others freely. God, our husbands, and our children must come first. We rarely, if ever, learn the importance of self-care and valuing our needs. But this focus on pleasing others can go too far and leave these young women wounded. I know countless women who’ve been physical with a date they didn’t want to be physical with because they didn’t know how to say no or thought it would be the right thing to do to make them happy. This example of rape culture happens all too often at BYU because too many men believe women exist to serve, and too many innocent women believe that narrative.
Being ordained with the Priesthood can give some men a power complex, and consciously or not they truly believe they are better than women because of it. There’s a specific subtype of these men who are acutely aware of the privileges the Priesthood gives them in commandeering a room, leading women into submission, downplaying their opinions, and asserting their dominance. These men are not used to women turning them down or saying no, and when it happens, they feel their Priesthood is under personal attack. This feeds into rape culture when a girl doesn’t want to kiss or be physical, and he forces himself onto her nonetheless because it’s his “right.” Of course, not every young LDS guy is like this, and it would be misandrist to postulate so. Yet far too many are.
This culture often drives women into submission. Their voices, career goals, opinions, and passions are taken less seriously than men’s. Their identities are clouded by the misconception that having a husband and children is the way to success. They compete with one another to have the most perfect appearance and social media presence, and they’ll often do what it takes to please the men in their circle. I list off these stereotypes not to attack or critique these women whatsoever, but rather to enlighten others on how such pressures can be damaging to some. I believe toxic perfectionism, double standards, and rape culture are detrimental to both sexes, and the only way to go about making change is to expose the harsh realities of the bubble within which we live.