It’s M̶U̶T̶U̶A̶L̶!̶Fetishization!
Within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it’s well known that marriage is a central part of the faith and is highly encouraged of its members. Filled with young students from about 18 to 30 years old who are generally of the LDS faith, it comes as no surprise that BYU has a thriving (if not unique) dating scene. From non-committal-make outs to serious relationships, it can seem like anyone and everyone is constantly dating at BYU, either in pursuit of their eternal companion or just for fun. While dating and relationships at BYU are generally unique experiences, the experience of women of color is even more nuanced. Racism, fetishization, and tokenization all play their part in leaving women of color at BYU out of this idealized, healthy dating scene.
According to BYU’s demographic statistics, about 81% of undergraduate students are white, and 30% are from Utah. While there are exceptions, heterosexual men at BYU tend to prefer women who fit Eurocentric beauty standards. Thin, tall, flowing light hair, light but tanned skin, large light eyes, and a small nose. In a campus full of women who fit these standards, women of color are often left to feel undesirable and undateable because they are not “white enough.” I once had a roommate who, upon meeting her, I did not recognize from my preliminary future-roommate-stalking, because she had altered her pictures so much. In person, her complexion and hair were much darker. I later learned that she was Mexican. She hated the feeling of walking on campus and seeing how her features compared to her white peers. She also confided in me that even though she spoke Spanish fluently, she never revealed that to any of the guys she talked to.
Even if the barrier of Eurocentric beauty standards has seemingly been overcome, a woman of color must still be weary of the likelihood that her date is scrutinizing her looks through another lens. It’s a common stereotype (notably, one with a lot of truth behind it): the return missionary goes back to school, having checked the box ‘serve a mission’ off of their list of life goals, and now they’re ready to pursue the next goal: marriage. While fetishization and sexualization of women of color is unfortunately common, it becomes a particular problem in a culture of returned missionaries. If a woman of color is asked out on a date, it is not uncommon for her to hear: “You remind me of the people from my mission…,” “You're so exotic,” or even “I’m really into *insert ethnicity that’s usually wrong* girls.” In my short time on Mutual ( it’s okay--we’ve all been there), most of the messages I received were from men who had served their mission in Asia -- and the dates I went on were all going out for ramen (coincidence, perhaps). Ultimately, women of color are fetishized and sexualized within a dating culture of return-missionary men who seek to relive their “exotic” experiences via these women.
A survey presented to the American Dialect Society in January of 2022 found that one of the four most prevalent categories of slang use among participants from 84 different LDS missions, was romantic. Of the participants, a majority reported use of romantic slang terms in their missions. Of the romantic slang terms provided, 27% were race-based. And while the study surveyed both female and male missionaries, 100% of the race-based romantic slang terms were provided by male missionaries. Such terms included, “Lamanitis,” “curry-fever,” “yellow-fever,” “rez-fever,” “jungle-fever,” and “Larrys” (referring to returned missionaries who come home and marry a person who is “native”). These terms describe the physical and romantic attraction missionaries began to feel towards non-white women after having been on their mission for some time, an “attraction” fueled by racism and often associations with disease. It is clear from these terms that the “attraction” being described by some of the surveyed returned missionaries is one that reduces these women to fetishized objects rather than humans or viable partners. It goes without saying how appalling the results of this study are, and they may seem shocking to some, but for women of color at BYU, being viewed through these terms by men is a daily, lived experience.
Every woman of color faces varying degrees and forms of stereotyping, racism, and fetishization -- both within and without the dating scene. I myself can speak to a number of the struggles that women of color face within BYU’s dating culture, but I cannot speak to individual experiences or the particular struggles of other groups, especially those of Black and Brown women. Speaking from my own experience and from the conversations I’ve had with others, however, I can say that the Eurocentric beauty standards and fetishization are rampant in our local dating scene. These practices destroy women of color’s self-esteem, self-worth, and sense of belonging at BYU.
The exclusion and fetishization of women of color in BYU’s dating culture ostracizes us from the community. The impacts reach even further because of the importance placed on dating. We are left with a lack of confidence in our physical appearance, our perceived desirability, and our worth in a spiritual and cultural context. For women of color at BYU, even if a match is made, it’s hardly ever genuinely mutual -- it’s often fetishization.