What Not to Say to the Gays
I am one of the 13.2% of BYU students identifying as LGBTQ+. I earned my place here just like all of you. I went off and taught the gospel in a foreign land like many of you. I study with you, go to church (sometimes) with you, and have my own dreams like you.
In light of these common cultural reference points, I’d ask you to consider this: what do you say to the gays? What do you say about the gays when no precious homosexual ears are present?
Well, I can tell you some things NOT to say.
“I love you, but.” I love you, but I can’t support your lifestyle. I love you, but I think marriage is between a man and a woman. I love you, but…. The list quite often goes on. There are apparently an endless number of conditionals when it comes to love (including, but not limited to loving only one gender). So I’ll say this: if you love me, love all of me. I don’t want a love bounded by political opinions. I don’t care for a love bounded by some a religious ideology that cannot teach you to understand me, an ideology that teaches you homosexuality is evil, even if you can’t really explain why.
“The Family Proclamation says…” Ah yes, please weaponize religion against me. Please aim to kill with your doctrinal focus so narrow you’ve sharpened it to a sword. I can promise you one thing: I know very well what the Family Proclamation says. We memorized it in Young Women’s. I can recite every word along with you as you shout it in defiance of my existence on campus. These tactics are getting rather tiring, so if you could spice up your homophobia, I’d like a little more excitement in my life.
“It will all be resolved in the next life.” It’ll be “resolved”? So you mean I’ll be straight? And you’re telling me to wait for some “reward”? Try telling that to a Provo couple who’ve been dating for 3 months.
“All of us have different trials.” Great. I’m glad you think being gay is the worst thing you could imagine happening to you.
For the love of all things good, please do not recommend me the same four “Mormon and Gay” books. There’s only so many versions of the tale that one can stand to read. Those books were written for you, straight people. If I wanted to hear a story about someone getting rejected by their family after coming out, I’d just live the experience in real time. Or if I wanted to hear all about the struggle of reconciling faith and sexuality, maybe I’d figure it out for myself.
Please live your faith. Please be happy, fall in love, get married, have kids. I want that joy for you. And please, remember that I want to be happy, to fall in love, get married, have some kids too. I hope we can learn to love one another. Without judgement. Without counting up sins and measuring each other’s motes.