It’s Just Bad Luck
1.
“Using the correct names for body parts helps to create comfort with one's body as opposed to shame [...] Also, nicknaming private parts ‘kind of adds to the mystery of things,’ rather than creating that critical open environment [...] Secrecy is not a good thing in the adolescent years.”
-- “Teaching Your Kids About Sex: The Do’s and Don’ts” by Rachel Pomerance Berl
Q: What is the best way to teach children about sex and sexual violence?
2.
2007
You know what I mean by private parts, when I say they go together?
Um, I…I think so. Yeah.
Okay, good. Sorry, this is a little awkward to talk about, huh? But that’s why your teacher laughed when you asked. There’s nothing to feel bad about, you just didn’t know. You understand.
...Yeah.
3.
“In addition to reinforcing all the things above that they have already learned, pre-teens should be taught about safer sex and contraception and should have basic information about pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). They should know that being a teenager does not mean they have to be sexually active.”
– “Sexuality: What children should learn and when,” AboutKidsHealth.ca
Q: “Safer” implies the existence of a danger. It also implies that there is no “safest.” What does “safe” mean? Discuss.
4.
1984
Eleven-year-old you didn’t know what was happening. You were scared, and confused, so you just lay as still as you could and pretended to be asleep. Your only context was fear and betrayal and an overwhelming feeling of shameful wrongness. You didn’t tell anyone until you were twenty-one.
5.
“Teach children how to use the computer and mobile devices safely. Children toward this age span should start learning about privacy, nudity and respect for others in the digital context. They should be aware of rules for talking to strangers and sharing photos online and what to do if they come across something that makes them uncomfortable.”
– “Sexuality: What children should learn and when,” AboutKidsHealth.ca
Q: Have you ever seen a virus? They ride on the backs of ads and slip between the cracks. The computer won’t really be the same after that.
6.
2014
Does it count if you didn’t know? A new incognito window, loaded on slow data. A coil of hot shame, oppressive resignation and choking desire simmering on low boil. You worried more about desecrating holy places than the body you felt was already too far gone.
7.
“Teens should continue learning the difference between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy relationship. This includes learning about pressures and dating violence and understanding what consent means in sexual relationships. Teens should be equipped with negotiation and refusal skills and methods for ending a relationship.”
– “Sexuality: What children should learn and when,” AboutKidsHealth.ca
Q: Is it easy to tell who is a predator just by looking at them? Do they know? Does violation have a handsome face?
8.
2018
The first rape kit at BYU was used on you the February after you turned 18.
9.
Prior to October 2016, the BYU Honor Code office investigated victims in cases of their own assault. Being found guilty was grounds for expulsion. “BYU says it will stop honor-code investigations of sexual assault victims,” The Chicago Tribune, 27 Oct 2016
10.
“Using the correct names for body parts will allow them to better communicate any health issues, injuries or sexual abuse. It also helps them understand that these parts are as normal as any others, which promotes self-confidence and a positive body image.”
-- “Sexuality: What children should learn and when,” AboutKidsHealth.ca
Q: How does one help children understand themselves and the dangers around them while still maintaining a sense of safety?
11.
2016
No sleepovers, your mom said. I’ve been thinking about it, and no more sleepovers.
Don’t worry, you said to a sibling, all of you chafing at the new rule. She’s just been reading too many overly-paranoid posts on Facebook again.
She abruptly shut up, like someone had cut the power. Your mother is not a quiet woman.
12.
“Children should understand their body is their own and no one can touch their body without their permission. They should know other people can touch them in some ways but not other ways and that no one should be asking to touch their genitals except for their parents or health-care providers. If they know what is appropriate and what is not, they will be more likely to tell you if they experience sexual abuse.”
– “Sexuality: What children should learn and when,” AboutKidsHealth.ca
Q: Who are the typical suspects in an assault case? What do you do if it’s not a stranger?
13.
2006
You knew your brother knew what his best friend had done, and he didn’t say anything.
Not a word.
You were seven years old.