Why Are Church Members Afraid of Talking About LGBTQ+ Issues?
As a gay student attending BYU, I, like many others, was hurt by the talk that Elder Jeffrey R. Holland gave on August 23rd. It’s ironic that in a talk calling for unity, Elder Holland chose to call out faculty who had shown support for the LGBTQ+ community and students who had demonstrated over LGBTQ+ issues. Ultimately, this causes greater divides among members of the church. This talk has made many members of the church who identify as LGBTQ+ feel even more isolated and unwanted. I know I have.
Unfortunately, this is yet another instance of church leadership avoiding discussion of this issue. I grew up as a member of the church and the topic of LGBTQ+ individuals was never brought up in any church setting (except for the obligatory reminder in every lesson on the law of chastity that same-sex relationships are sinful). Even now, when I bring up the topic of LGBTQ+ individuals or my own sexual orientation, other members of the church look away to avoid being a part of the discussion, wanting the discussion to end as soon as possible. Even Elder Holland stated in his talk that he already discussed the issue more than he wanted. However, this did not change the fact that he spent a lot of time speaking about the topic. His focus proves that this is an issue in desperate need of discussion, yet it seems the majority of church members continue to balk at the introduction of this topic. This is especially true of conversations about the cruel challenges that LGBTQ+ individuals constantly endure.
On the rare occasion that church members allow this topic to be discussed, they refuse to look at the topic from any view but their own. In my experience, members who take issue with LGBTQ+ individuals often victimize themselves and the gospel. They talk about the evils of the world and how cruel it is that others want to mock their beliefs and force them to conform to the world’s teachings.
Elder Holland did this in his talk when he compared the need of present members to defend the doctrines of the church, to the members of the past who needed muskets to defend themselves from attacks while building the Nauvoo temple. However, Elder Holland is mistaken in making this comparison. Today’s church members do not face death threats or acts of violence, and in no way do they need any kind of weapon to defend themselves against the verbal criticisms that every church faces. In fact, it is LGBTQ+ people who still face death threats and threats of violence. They also face threats of abandonment, mental and emotional abuse, and risk being isolated. If members really care about unity, they need to stop avoiding the topic. Members should take the time to learn what LGBTQ+ individuals constantly experience and then work to sincerely understand their perspectives.
Elder Holland mentioned that he and other church leaders have spent a lot of time weeping for those who deal with the so-called “same-sex challenge,” but this appeared performative. I do not have any challenge with my sexual orientation, but it seems that the church and its leadership do. I do not need anyone to weep for me as I have done more than enough of that for myself. BYU and the church should take specific actions that show they care about LGBTQ+ students and members. I am not suggesting that the church accepts same-sex relations or marriages. In fact, hardly any LGBTQ+ people I talk to care about whether the church accepts that. The church needs a firmer stance against hate speech toward LGBTQ+ individuals and a desperate call to address the disgustingly high rate of LGBTQ+ teen suicide in Utah. BYU should acknowledge that they tortured gay students with electroshock conversion therapy for decades, and that they ran a widespread campaign to expel gay students in the 1970s. Both of these events happened while BYU was under the leadership of current apostles. BYU has made no apology for these practices. Either they do not think what they did was wrong, or they do not care that it happened. Actions speak much louder than tears meant to distract from the practice of ignoring the struggles of LGBTQ+ people. The continued silence on these real issues remains, they will not go away simply by ignoring them or pretending that they are not there.
If unity is the goal of BYU and the church, then it is time for members to stop ignoring the obvious and relevant issues that LGBTQ+ people face everyday. They must take time to discuss them instead of running away from the problem and pretending it is not there. If students and parents are confused by flag-waving and parade-holding, they should sincerely ask about it. Instead, they have silently judged without trying to understand. Unity must come from both sides, not from one side falling in line with the other. If members want to solve or understand the “same-sex issue,” they need to stop ignoring it and start acknowledging the LGBTQ+ people represented in that issue.